My personal progress

Knowing yourself is import specially when you feel like a rollycoaster. To be able to recognize that you can loose control of yourself and do something to avoid fighting is great but my question is how you do . Personally for many years when I reach that feeling I have to step out and be quiet to be able to re center myself and process things differently. When I ressent anger I can became a very mean person and I am not . I believe in respect. My triggers today was I felt separated from the class and decision was made for me .Did my bleu belt was given by charity due of my efforts or of my skill .I will be reaching out to my sihing to understand better the event 

 I received my bleu belt ! I was happy but yet questioning how it s possible. I am not questioning the judgement of my sifu but what they see and i don’t. I still trying to figure it out how to modified my moved , what triggers the pain and how far I can push myself. I can say , yes I did progress but not to where I was before and I want to be .I am not sure if I will ever reach the level I want . It s so hard not to compare myself from before to now . 

Progression is different for me now that he was before. I still trying to keep up with the class but yet giving grief and slowing me down . I have to work on my control to keep a pace that allows me to progress and learn to adapt in the same time of keeping the alignment of my body correctly . Slow down my form help me with my intent of the form and not into my injury but if increased the power and speed then my mind goes to the pain and I get lost in the form . 

 At the Chinese new year’s banquet my heart felt heavy.I knew I was not going to be part of the team . I am focusing on my primary curriculum. So far I think it s going well I am generating more questions, learning better how to train by adapting to my injury. So far I had one class of tai chi and I loved it but sadly I can t attend very often. It is been almost one month of non smoking!! Despite of not being in the team I am still feeling that I have kept up the only difference I am not public . 

The years of the dragon have been bad only if i look into my failures of keeping all my promises . Yet this year have brought me a lot of reflection and clarity. Pushing myself and learning to adapt have been difficult. Working days or nights or even quiet shifts or a busy one can affect my limits. I have slowly felt that i wasn’t a good fit to the team and i was good with that . Even on my regular class i don’t feel the right to be line up and feel great at the back due i know i can t be a good example . I know Kungfu is a part of my life and yet so many time i was close to quit . My family is very important and for the past 2 years i couldn’t enjoy all the activities we use to do due of injury. I can’t think of keep doing more if i am not where my heart is . So for me i need to focus on the basic skills , go day by day , working of getting stronger and building my thrust in abilities to get a balanced. I will not be joining the team next years but i will always try my best to help wh...

I have been struggling with injuries for the past 2 years but yet still have the desire to continue. I continue to learn how to adapt specially with the mental aspect. The question of why i am doing it its hard to put words on it but recently noticed it is part on my life balance. Pushing yourself shouldn’t be to your own  detriments but in the best improvement. Slow and steady should be on my mind with takings care of myself. I was recently back on the mat and felt great unfortunately ill be my on the bench due i have an tennis elbow. It feel like a message is sent to me that my priority is too look after myself. For now ill focus on my rehab seek medical help and go day by day and try to not get frustrated when i can t  achieve what i could the day before but build awareness of what happened .